yak (yàghck) a large long-haired ox of Tibet; a joke or gag; persistent talk; to vomit; a pseudo-groovy name for a web site chosen to ensure favourable placing in web directories

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The Government: Broken Promises, Unanswered Emails 14 July 1992 Edition
Previous Edition

Nine months ago I made it quite clear that if the New Zealand government didn't wake itself up and start initiating a Knowledge Based Economy or KBE that I would have no option but to "leave New Zealand" and "move to America". But it would appear that my words fell upon deaf ears as there is still no sign of a KBE in New Zealand.

I'm getting bloody sick of it. Even that Middle Eastern country UAE (note: find out what UAE stands for) has a thriving KBE. Perhaps some of those Arab types should come over here and show our government how it's done?

But as the likelihood of that happening is even less than that of me "moving to America", I have come up with a new plan.

Please excuse the gratuitous references to myself, and the gratuitous use of the word gratuitous.

Readers Whinge
A lesson for us all - Bruce

Have Your Whinge

Now as we know, the New Zealand government is pretty clueless, and has decided that there should be a "Minister for Racing" but not a "Minister for the development, implementation and support of a Knowledge Based Economy". It seems to me that a way of getting past all the bureaucratic bungling would be to stealthily change the "Minister for Racing" to the "Minister for Racing and the development, implementation and support of a Knowledge Based Economy."

So in my own time and at my own expense I wrote up a comprehensive nine step plan detailing how the Minister for Racing can start to implement savvy KBE principles into her portfolio, and how this will "generate wealth" and "create jobs" and ensure that I will be able to drive around in a Mercedes convertible with a foxy little redhead at my side in New Zealand, not "overseas".

Three hours, twelve minutes and eight seconds ago I emailed my plan to the Honourable Annette King, Minister for Racing. So far I have not received a response. Not even an acknowledgement of my email. I phoned her office and demanded to speak to her and was told by a gentleman who answered the phone that Ms King was "in the debating chamber" and that "all emails are answered in two or three days" and that I should expect to receive a reply "shortly". It is also interesting to note that Ms King has made herself conspicuous by her absence of a statement on the 0867 debacle.

Well, as far as I'm concerned that's just another indication from the so-called "government" of their apathy towards transforming New Zealand from a rural backwater into a savvy 21st century global economy of the new millennium.

Making Money on the Internet: Part 296a

Today -- the last few bottom of the barrel scrapings of ways to get a couple of more people looking at your web site.

Once you have decided "what kind of audience" you want looking at your web site, and "why" you want them, you can move onto techniques in getting your site more "well known".

Now, when you look at people walking down the street you see people wearing "t" shirts with the logos of such companies as "Coke" and "Nike". Yes, people are paying money to wear advertising! So all you need to do is get some "t" shirts made up with your URL on them and soon enough people will be flocking to you to buy your advertising product!

Blatant Gratuitous Self-Promoting Plug ;)
I have a number of stylish [email protected] t-shirts for sale. $50, reduced from $50,000. All proceeds go towards the [email protected] Venture Capital Find.

The name of your company is important. I picked "Yak" because of the association of that word and online savvy. It's not coincidence that the letters y, a and k can be found one some of the most successful web sites out there. So strong is the "Yak" brand, that you will often hear people talking of "yakking".

In an attempt to get the "Yak" name more widely known, I have changed my name by deed pole to Keith Yak Flinton. Not only did I get a curiously raised eyebrow from the lady at the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages, but the fellow at the bank who amended my account also said "that's an interesting name". Two more potential Yak readers - and I bet they'll be telling their friends.

Sending press releases to news media is good, but if the media were really doing their job, they would know about what was going on, and would be contacting me first. So instead of sending out press releases, I instead send out faxes and emails that say thing like "I am savvy and know stuff. Ask me to find out more." Of the 3950 releases I've sent out, I've only had five responses, but that's five more people who know about my web site.

Don't forget to add your pages to search engines. But be sure that you add words in your meta tags that are guaranteed to generate hits, for example "savvy" and "knowledge based economy". If you do a search on "Google" for "Internet Industry News" you'll find that Yak rates in the top 30 - and that's without even trying.

Discussion forums add value to any web site, unless you find your forums populated by idiots to seem to find pleasure in posting messages saying "Why do you keep saying you are going to update your site, but you never do?". My advice is to not dignify their question with a response, then ban everyone from using the forums.

Continued tomorrow...

Hey Ladies...

Latest statistics show that women have overtaken men in American in hours of online use - a trend that's repeating itself on a worldwide scale.

As a gesture of welcome to "the fairer sex" online, coming soon will be "[email protected] 4 Her". This will present the latest New KBE Economy Net "News" and Commentary of the same high standard that you've come to expect from [email protected], but with an attractive pastel pink background colour, and a cyber-knitting section.

So all you "women" out there who might not want to look at [email protected] because of its "masculinity" will have your very own version soon!

As always, your feedback is welcomed.

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The Day's Top "News"
4 = open in new window
New Zealand

 Redesign Ulterior Motive Denied

Steve Tompkins denied allegations today that the recent redesign of his personal homepage was only done so he could remove the link to his ex-girlfriend's site without drawing attention to it...

  Online journaller details mundane life

Wellington journaller Jennifer Henderson today published a detailed description of the events that had filled her day. "I had to wait for 10 minutes for my flatmate to get out of the shower," she began...
NZ Herald

 Call for legislation to target "linkers"

Christchurch online entrepreneur Michael Driscoll today called for the government to introduce legislation to prevent what he terms "bloody mongrels linking to things that are supposed to be secret."


  Online purchase "quite good"

First-time online purchaser Derek McAndrew today described his purchase of a Tae Bo video as "quite good," and noted that "it came sooner than I thought it would..."

  Hairy buttocks shared with girlfriend, world

The hairy buttocks of Paul Hoult were last night shared with his girlfriend Rebecca Hibble and anyone else who happened to be viewing his webcam during what Hoult described as an "expression of love"...

 Marriage split plans cancelled

Former bored housewife Glynis Matthews today cancelled plans to leave her husband of 14 years after discovering that her online lover was not a 43 year old doctor, but a 13 year old high school student named Josh.

 Executive Vice President Makes Coffee, Cleans, Codes

Douglas O'Halloran, Executive Vice President at start-up eSoluable today revealed that his job consists of making coffee, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom and "coding my ass off"...


 Personal Web Page Union Formed

A union for the authors of personal web pages was started, with the first action being a call to strike unless comments from "Dan's Sites That Suck" were immediately removed.
Australian IT

 Blog entry intended as flirtation technique

A recent entry in Jessica Peet's blog was a thinly veiled attempt at flirting with the linked site's author. "This site makes me feel all warm and bubbly inside... and it's soooo sexy," The entry began.

 Techno Group Uses Innovative Marketing

An mp3 of a song by unsigned techno group FloorPhoria was renamed "Limp Bizkit - Nookie (original acoustic demo)" in an attempt to widen FloorPhoria's audience. This innovative marketing technique has won praise...

 Spam Parody Confused With Real Thing, Deleted

A company news email written as a parody of "make money now" spams, sent from innovative new media company "Bau Wow House Design" was confused with real spam and deleted without being read by 90% of its intended recipients.


 Non-online Company Sued For Use Of "@"

Legal action has been initiated against "Head Quarters" hair salon for using the @ symbol in printed promotional material when they do not have an online presence...

4  "Coming Soon" Page Celebrates Third Anniversary
Still promising "Powerful search that matters", the "coming soon" page of an as-yet-unnamed search engine celebrates its third anniversary...

 542nd "Bill Gates is Satan" page launched

Today saw the launch of the 542nd web page offering "conclusive evidence" that Microsoft head Bill Gates and Satan are one and the same. "I thought it was really funny," said page author Wayne Gladstone...

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