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© 2002
Robyn Gallagher

List Archive 2001

Date: 12 January 2001
Subject: Ouvrez le pod bay door, s'il vous plait HAL

Hi

I went to Wellington for New Years and had lots of fun. It was nice. I liked it.

Anyway, here is something completely unrelated to that. I whipped it up last night when I thought the vicar was coming over for tea.

Things to do in Auckland when you're semi-employed, part III.
https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/things3.html

Robyn

Date: 16 January 2001
Subject: Word up

Hi

I'm tidying up my place at the moment and I am astounded by how much crap I have accumulated in less than a year. Big rubbish bags filled with crap. Where does it come from? I think I'm going to have to give away some of my posessions. I have too much stuff.

Anyway. There's new stuff. Come on over and meet The Cars Man:
https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/carsman.html

Ok, cheers.

Robyn

Date: 25 January 2001
Subject: Tina got a big ol' butt

Hi

It used to be that the only people who tried to pick me up were the fat bastards who would hang around outside the District Court. Now I'm getting a slightly better class of wanker:
https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/meetcute.html

You know a movie is bad when someone walks out on it. But have you ever actually walked out on a movie. Let me share my experiences with you:
https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/walkingout.html

In unrelated news, I have had 1 (one) ICQ message so far this year (and I wasn't there to answer it).

Robyn

Date: 28 March 2001
Subject: Get down

Hi

Ok, so you may have noticed that nothing much has been happening on the site over the past two months. I could pretend that I had been deluged with emails from people saying "Why haven't you updated your site lately," but no one did that.

Anyway, the reason there's been not much going on is because I've been redesigning. I've also got rid of some old stuff that was annoying me.

So here it is:
https://www.secret-passage.com/

There's new stuff up too, it's all linked to from the main page. Have a good hearty play around, tell your friends, neighbours, etc.

Cheers

Robyn

Date: 20 April 2001
Subject: Toned abs

Talofa

The microwave was being non-functional, so I had to slice the bagel in half with a cheap-arse Warehouse bread knife. But I finally managed to get it in two halves and into the toaster.

Bagels rule, most of the time:
https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/badbagels.html

Also, don't drink herbal tea. It will kill your soul.

Robyn

Date: 16 May 2001
Subject: Pants

Aloha

There's lots of new stuff, mainly due to the fact that I've been slack in sending out emails. Ok.

1. https://www.secret-passage.com/disco/incredible.html
I spend an intense two weeks seeing lots and lots of films (29, to be exact). It was really fun and my brain has almost recovered.

2. https://www.secret-passage.com/dorkland/computer.html
I went to the computer expo and I won a blow-up penguin. Aren't I just the coolest?

3. https://www.secret-passage.com/dorkland/footpath.html Stories from the side streets that I slip down.

4. https://www.secret-passage.com/line/domaintag.html
I've started a game of domain tag.

5. https://www.secret-passage.com/line/string.html
More fun with my web site stats, this time the stuff that people search for.

Y'know, I'm ten centimetres taller than the average New Zealand woman, and I should keep that in mind when I buy trousers.

Robyn

Date: 20 May 2001
Subject: Frankton represent

Talofa

1. https://www.secret-passage.com/disco/hypno.html
I saw a hilarious hypnotist perform. You know the kind of people who go to hypnotism shows? Yeah, it was choice.

2. https://www.secret-passage.com/line/domaintag.html
This isn't all that interesting or new, but the Domain Tag has now been ultra deluxxx enchanced so it automatically updates whenever someone from a new country visits. If you come from an interesting country, you can visit that page and it should show your country on the list. And if you know anyone from Niger tell them to visit.

Robyn

Date: 26 May 2001
Subject: Down arrow

All this, and I managed to move to my new flat.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/bath.html
There are books that tell you how to have a bath. Things have gotten out of hand.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/directions.html
About what happens when people who don't drive give you directions.

https://www.secret-passage.com/dorkland/magazine.html
I now live in a neighbourhood with a few rich people in it and this pretend rich people magazine arrived in my letterbox.

https://www.secret-passage.com/dorkland/letterbox.html
On the flipside, back when I lived in Mount Eden, I got really crazy stuff in my letter box.

Also, today I was reading a book on my computer desk. I needed to turn the page and, without thinking, I pressed the down arrow key on my keyboard.

Robyn

Date: 06 June 2001
Subject: Give us a pounda t'matas

Talofa

Two new things.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/cv.html
You know how when you write a CV or resume you're supposed to put your bESTfoot forward and sell yourself? I hate that. I feel like a total fake if I ever do that.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/rant.html
I wrote this when I was 14 and it's really the first full-on rant I wrote. It's pretty cool, and very un-Robyn as I was back then.

Cheers

Robyn

Date: 10 June 2001
Subject: Nonessential Oils

Talofa

https://www.secret-passage.com/dorkland/inorganic.html
All my neighbours are leaving large piles of rubbish out on their front lawns. I am enjoying it, and am keeping my fingers crossed for someone to put a Cortina up on blocks.

Also, I am going to Melbourne tomorrow for a few days. Hoorah!

Robyn

Date: 18 June 2001
Subject: Choice, bro

Kia ora

What's cool about Australia is how people abbreviate words to have -o endings.

Service station: servo
Compensation: compo
Salvation Army: Salvos
7 Eleven: Sevvo

I went to Melbourne last week.
https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/melbo.html

Melbourne has trams and the taxidermied skin of Phar Lap. Someone actually had to taxidermy Phar Lap's horsepenis. (I think I should apologise for using taxidermy as a verb.)

I ended up feeling really self conscious about my New Zealand accent.

Robyn

Date: 25 June 2001
Subject: Be excited.

Kia ora

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/choice.html
All about choice, one of my favourite words. I wrote this a few days ago but forgot I'd uploaded it.

Also, I am moving to Melbourne, Australia on 18 July. I am rather excited about this.

Robyn

Date: 26 June 2001
Subject: Yo, easy shop

Talofa

I was arsing about in K Road last week and wandered into a second hand record shop and idly started browsing the New Zealand section. Imagine my sheer delight when I found "What Can We Say?" the classic 1991 album from MC OJ and the Rhythm Slave.

Naturally I bought it and it has been on high-rotate ever since. I felt compelled to express the delight and joy that this album and the songs on it has brought into my life.

https://www.secret-passage.com/disco/ojslave.html

Remember: "Don't listen to what they say, listen to the Rhythm Slave and MC OJ."

Choice,

Robyn

Date: 28 August 2001
Subject: Weights and measures

Hi, how's it going. I'm in Melbourne now. I have my computer and a fist full of Australian dollars. Sweet as.

Here's some new stuff:

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/melbo2.html
Pretty much a summary of my first month in Australia, the highlight of which was seeing "Nsync: Bigger Than Live" which is an Imax film of an Nsync concert and is approximately too cool for words.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/tramtales.html
I'm reliant on public transport in Melbourne. Unlike the buses in Auckland, which always seemed full of depressed people (probably feeling sad because they haven't got a car), the tram travellers seem a lot happier. But there are also a lot more crazy people, probably due to the fact that it's possible to travel without buying a ticket.

https://www.secret-passage.com/disco/hilarious.html
People often turn to me looking for advice as to how they can be really hilarious. I have kindly put together a series of guaranteed, sure-fired hits for being hilarious.

Also, kia ora to Selwyn for getting my new mailing list set up.

Cheers

Robyn

Date: 5 September 2001
Subject: Happy bon bon joy

Talofa

Hi, there's some new stuff up.

1. https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/goddess.html
This is about the goddess, and how she empowers us all. Even Nike and Gillette are empowered by the goddess.

2. https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/selection.html
A selection of short bits, mainly stuff that I can't be bothered making into a full length piece. Also of note, a really hilarious title of one of the pieces.

3. https://www.secret-passage.com/list/index.html
I've also put up an archive of all the old update list posts, but it's not all that interesting because y'all have probably read them all already.

4. https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/tramtales.html
I've added a couple of new stories to this. You just don't get stuff like that happening on a buses.

And finally:

I have been nominated for two awards at the NZ Internet Awards. I've up for "Top On-Line Personality", which is a bit strange, and I don't really get what that's all about, but it sounds like fun. The other nomination is in "Best Personal Writing", which is pretty choice because it's something I care about. I'm up against a bunch of journals, though, which is a bit unusual. Have a look at me and my fellow nominees here:
https://www.netawards.org.nz/categories.php

Anyway, if you are a New Zealand citizen and/or resident I suggest you vote. If you're neither, you could sign up for a .co.nz email address from a free email place and vote using that. But no, that would be wrong.

Cheers

Robyn

Date: 14 September 2001
Subject: Low place like home

Hi

How y'all doing? I'm ok.

Here's some new stuff:

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/airtravel.html
I was feeling really angry when I wrote this, and it started off as a really angry rant, but then I felt sarcastic and rewrote it. I've got mixed feelings about it now. It's strange.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/thenextday.html
This is what happened around my neighbourhood the next day.

When I first heard that a plane had flown into the WTC, I immediately thought it was terrorism, then seconds later I thought, nah, it couldn't possibly be. It had to have been a misguided flight, like the Mt Erebus crash, and maybe there'll be some confused travellers climbing out of the plane and saying to some stunned office workers, "wow, what a crazy ride that was!" If only.

Cheers

Robyn

Date: 27 September 2001
Subject: Like a bump from behind

Hi

Ok, here we go:

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/nsync.html
I really like Nsync. Now, I'm not trying to be flippant here, or irreverent, or exploitive, or sarcastic or ironic, or post-modern and this is not a parody. Get it. Got it? Good.

Also, I have been posting items on Sensible Erection:
https://www.sensibleerection.com/
There's some totally R18 stuff there, so if you think you might be offended by that, don't go there.

I'm going to Newcastle today (home of Silverchair!) and I'll be going to the National Young Writer's Festival. It's a bit like a regular writer's festival, but instead having events like "Celebrity authors read their favourite Harry Potter adventures!", there are events such as "Zine making for the dole".

After that I will be - gasp! - returning to New Zealand.

Cheers

Robyn

Date: 5 October 2001
Subject: Go The Knights.

Aloha,

This time last week I was in the lovely city of Newcastle, a sparkling star on the coast of New South Wales. Here are some of my adventures:
https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/newc.html

BoNuS NeWCaSTLe FaCT: There's a Newcastle postcard with a photo of its harbour on it. Docked in the harbour is the Tampa. I don't think any refugees are visible in the picture.

I was in Newcastle for the National Young Writers Festival. I had a splendid time: https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/nywf.html

While I was there I made a zine in less than two hours called "My Home Country" which is about New Zealand from the perspective of a New Zealander not living in New Zealand. It's quite funny and rather silly. If you'd like a copy, just email me your address and I'll post you one. I will even post to mysterious foreign nations across the oceans.

Very lovely,

Robyn

Date: 14 October 2001
Subject: Hip with new technology

Hello

More stuff to do with when I was in Australia. I think I need to write about it and get it out of my system then I can go back to writing about other, non-Australian stuff, such as the California Girls VIP Escort Services big purple tow truck.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/stupidadventures.html
This is a selection of photos that I took around Melbourne. Complete with witty and informative annotations.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/beer.html
A woman walks into a bar and says, "A handle of Waikato, thanks mate." No, you can't do that in Australia. Getting acquainted with beer and glass names was highly traumatic.

Lovely,

Robyn

Date: 30 October 2001
Subject: That's baaad, with three a's.

Hola,

I am delighted to announce that in collaboration with my own bad self, I have done some new stuff!

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/dole.html
Back in '93 I was on the dole. New Zealand Employment Service had been dicking me around trying to get me to go on a course where unemployed people went to an army base and did some basic training which apparently taught life skills, etc. After showing up at my designated appointment time with one of the NZES people, and finding him not there, then waiting around for an hour before he showed up, I was not the most enthusiastic. I told him I'd rather do something closer to home so he told me to go to the office upstairs and check out some training options. I went up there but discovered I was ineligible because I was too intelligent - I'd passed School Certificate. I went home and banged out this letter as a way of venting my rage. Yeah, I was full of rage back then.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/videos.html
The New Zealand government gives money to bands to make music videos. That is so incredibly, unbelievably cool.

Muchos gracias,

Robyn

Date: 11 November 2001
Subject: Little girls and housewives.

Hi

I should go to bed, but before I do:

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/waikatosouthland.html
There was a thing in the paper (namely, a sidebar in the Waikato Times) comparing and contrasting living in the Waikato versus Southland. It was very silly, full of non-existant reasons, so I just had to go through and annotate it.

https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/topten.html
Recently a list of the top ten New Zealand songs of the last 75 years came out. Everyone else is coming up with their alternate lists, so I thought I'd do one too.

Stuff To Pay Attention To:
"The MO Show": If you are in New Zealand, I instruct you to tune your televisions to TV3 on Thursday nights at 10.00 pm. There you will see the adventures of Otis 'n' Mark, a.k.a. MC OJ and the Rhythm Slave. It's the choicest thing I've seen on TV in a while.

Blindspott and Augustino: Two New Zealand bands. One nu metal, the other, um, beyond genre or something like that. Goodshirt is also good.

I'm doing something really stupid this month. I'm writing a 50,000 word novel. It's for National Novel Writing Month (Motto: No plot? No problem!). So far I have managed to spew out over 20,000 words of complete shite. I'm so completely and utterly bored with it but I'm going to keep going just so I can say that I did it. Fiction writing is for housewives and little girls. But feel free to track my progress (or lack of) here:
https://www.nanowrimo.com/word_count_e_k.htm

Ok, cheers

Robyn

Date: 26 November 2001
Subject: Nine days old

Kia ora

Very early this morning I finished my 50,000 word novel. It took me 25 days to do it, which worked out at an average of 2,000 words a day. It's probably one of the most intense things I've ever done. It is a work of complete crap. I don't know if I'll ever show it to anyone else, but hey - I wrote a novel.

I was profiled as part of it and the subsequent profile was really funny. I am a seductress, apparently:
https://www.nanowrimo.com/meet_the_wrimo_past.htm

Also, I went to the Festival of Holistic Health. Urgh, my chakras feel so dirty:
https://www.secret-passage.com/secret/holistic.html

Cheers

Robyn